Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
this just has baby written all over it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
