I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
