I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I skipped work to stalk him.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
