just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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