he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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