My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
