I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
