Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
