whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
