ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
