an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
