I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
