she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just pee around me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
