Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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