just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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