sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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