He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
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