I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
