He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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