He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
