I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
