And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
