I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
