she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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