Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
