I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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