90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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