My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
