You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so much tequila, so little girl.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
