Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
