Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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