Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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