I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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