Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
