from now on my penis is your penis
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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