Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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