If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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