so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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