I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
