So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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