I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
