There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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