Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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