No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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