So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
