Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
