I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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