I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
