he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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