I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
