Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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