It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
