Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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