We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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