And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You are a genius and a whore.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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