Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
