This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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