and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
