billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so let's talk penis.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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