I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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