drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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