the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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