i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
