She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
They are going to name an STD after you.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
