I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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