That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I puked a lego.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
