About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
