One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
