well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
