i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I am puke
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
