is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
