the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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