it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
there is glitter all over my balls
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
